Have you walked this far for men who don’t even know your name?
Who’ve never held your feet in their laps?
Why would you loan your integrity to the opium of stupidity?
Why do you feel the need to be loved it cracks you to the bone?
How often have you bartered with logic just to sell yourself short?
Mama said, There is something to him
Something so peculiar, Like a dog peckish for bone
Something so chilly, Nay cold
Mama warned you, You said,
Mama, he’s good to me, he treats me right, sensitive to my feelings, cares about my well being, Mama, I swear you will love him if you let him in.
You knew you were lying didn’t? You felt it in your stomach didn’t?
But you didn’t care didn’t you?
Mama wonders, Why do you find the unavailable so alluring?
Where did it begin? What went wrong?
Is it when Papa up and left me that made her so needy?
Is it the reason why she seeks comfort in men who mirror he’s characters?
What is it?
What is it that made you feel so worthless and undeserving?
If you knew he loved you, would you try to make mama believe in him like you do?
Wouldn’t he be interested in your life, dreams and aspirations?
Don’t you think he can smell it on you?
That desperate stinky need for love ?
You must know he tastes the desperate on your skin, then tangles it with that salty taste on your soft cheek!
What about that other guy who would do anything for you?
Why do you make him grow weary of you? Why did you make him love you until he’s disgusted by you?
Mama wonders, where did Nancy learn to want what does not want her?
Where did she learn to leave those that want to stay?
When did love become so elusive to her?
You knew that he resembled every bad memory you had, didn’t you?
Every terrible fear,
You cry when he hurts you, your stomach hurts,
Deep down you know that’s who he is, yet you just want to feel a little love from him,
You care about his good days don’t you?
On his bad days, you care that maybe, just maybe, His mother neglected him?
You care, But he doesn’t care that you care, does he?
He only wants to water your ‘flower’ with his spite and destruction,
You know this don’t you?
He compares you to an impossible quiz, a blinding light,
a wild horse, he tries to tame you,
he says you’re unbearable, compares you to the women he sees behind your back
You’ve tried to be softer haven’t you?
tried to be prettier, more quite, less present, you’ve tried it all haven’t you?
When will you finally tap into that love that you so freely give to him?
When will you realize that no one will love you more than yourself?
When will you ever realize that you intimidate him with your wit and kind heart?
When will you ever realize there is more to you than being less volatile, less awake?
When will you realize that loving someone that doesn’t love isn’t sexy?
When will you get a stronger spine?
When will you realize that Papa was just a coward, evasive of responsibility and too ashamed to be associated with his acts of selfishness?
Even oceans misplace their anchors sometimes.
When will you realize that you can love yourself beautiful?
That you can love yourself to the journey of forgiveness and recovery,
That a time will come when you’ll no longer be flighty of the one’s that actually love you because you are already aware of yourself in a deeper sense.
That you will have learned how to kiss the person stabbing you,
Not just a quick peck on the cheek, but a full one with tongue 🙂
Sometimes, men come with hammers, When will you be so strong a pole?
I have questions for you!
P.s I’m really loving this song by Camilla Cabello
My, my name was safest in your mouth
And why’d you have to go and spit it out?
Oh, your voice, it was the most familiar sound
But it sounds so dangerous to me now