Why was she auctioned with this demon to bid?
She always wonders.
She was a puppet to them, dangling her from limb to limb,
Days, weeks, months, years passed on by,
She has no tears left to cry.
Drinking here, smoking there, that was her source of solace.
She died of shame a little, with every passing day, her light got dimmer,
She drained in the mess that was her thoughts,
She tried to share her story with those whom she thought she could trust,
But all they wanted was her lust.
She remembers the first time, she was little, so little,
Bits and pieces ingrained in her mind, she can’t quite draw the full picture,
But she sees the long grass, the sack, and she remembers him on top of her,
She grew up, wondering why she had a stunt distaste for sex,
She remembers the number of times she cried into the night, the long showers, the shame, each time she got intimate with any of her then boyfriends,
She remembers the number of times she always said NO and yet it was surpassed for a YES PLEASE each time,
She knew it rooted from somewhere, she just never wanted to dig deep enough,
She knew her mama was protecting her from the truth, she saw the way she looked at her the first time she saw that cut on her arm,
She curved herself with blades while in high school, she weirdly found pleasure in the pain and the flow of blood,
She taught herself the art of forgetting,
Until the wounds were reopened again,
She remembered how they so ruthlessly fucked her into the night,
She thought her past a lie, she lived her past a lie, she lives her past a lie,
She’s always though it was her fault, she should never have gone out,
The dark memories haunt her brain, every night she lay awake, wondering how much and how long she could take it,
She never understood why, but she understood that they had torn her apart.
The feeling would always be with her, she has days where she feels the sense of the crime is still occurring,
She understood that they had used her body and ignored the soul residing within her,
She understood that to them that wasn’t the most egregious crime they could commit,
She understood that her life would never be the same again,
She’s tried to leave it all behind, but with every fidget from a man’s touch, every repulsive thought of intimacy, she understands that it will always be different.
She sees the future, but she sees it alone, locked away in her own solitude for there she will always draw love, strength and security,
She’s retired the blade, she’s learning to live fully, for that was her life even though she couldn’t remember,
She’s sad sometimes, past full of all these crimes,
But she finally comprehends that she needs to break free,
Smiling to all, putting her hands out, breaking her fall,
She understands that life is brutal sometimes, she feels the pain of all the women out there who’ve gone through her sorrow, she wishes she could hug them and tell them she understands and that she’s sorry it happened them,
But just like her, other women share her sentiments and they suffer alone, Nobody sees their tear painted faces at night, Nobody holds them and tells to cry till they can’t cry no more,
She wishes they could rise above it together, But she understands, that sometimes when it’s so taunting, one has too go it alone.
She has nights she thinks of men and women who have gone through the same, and she says a prayer for them,
One two three, breathe in and be the amazing self that you are now! Wear your scars, whatever scars, like a hero. They are your to have, have a story of breakthrough to tell. You are hero. You’re my hero 😉