Amateur

Sometimes I feel like an amateur living in an already existing world!!! I feel like everyone has got it figured out, you know, I feel like they’ve chosen a niche in this already fucked up world and I’m still trying to figure my shit out!!

Do you know how many times I’ve been labelled emotional, too much, a victim, and a drama queen simply because I post stuff based on how I’m feeling at the moment.

I have had people tell me, “you put your shit out there too much” or “you’re a sad person because your posts reflect that” or “you just have too much going on” or “you need to learn how to keep shit to yourself” and it makes me feel like an amateur half of the time.

I mean let’s face, we were all born amateurs and all we know or do right now is simply because we had to learn and choose what works for us. And that’s how the whole ideology of “peer-pressure” “cult” etc came by.

See, what I don’t understand is, when did it become a crime to be sad and share your sadness with those who care? Like, when did it all become a bother?

My grandpa used to tell me, “sometimes we have good days and bad days, and the bad news is, we just don’t have control of what happens once we wake up” and there is nothing but truth there.

Sometimes I have epic days, incredible days, and then there are those days where everything just falls apart. Everything I’ve worked so hard on becomes undone, those days where the person to whom I gave all my love stabbed me in the back, those where you realize that humans are a just pretentious selfish pack and you have no idea how to navigate that.

I think people have become so obsessed with being absorbed into whatever is hype right now they actually forget that there is the concept of real-life.

I mean if you are okay with sharing all your blissful moments with the world, why do you have to face it alone when you are drowning in piss and shit. I think it’s braver for you to show who you really are when shit isn’t going right for you because that’s where true bravery lies.

We are so obsessed in the news, learning what’s happening in the world, and yet never whatever is happening around us??

I don’t know about you, but I know shit is real, struggles are real, and real people face unbearable struggles all around the world. I’m I am amateur for recognizing that? I don’t think so, but I’m okay with whatever labels the world decides to give me as long as I’m being true to myself✌️

So people believe that keeping shit to yourself means “staying fucking strong”……. Heck! I’m proud to be an amateur if I don’t believe any of that shit.

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