How Do You Do It?

That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt – John Green

How do you go from liking your own space, to tears welling up and missing them all the damn time?

How do you just pick up the pieces after everything was relentlessly reduced to dust?

How do you just live through life’s pain? How do you just go from being around them all the time, to being alone all the time?

How do you make the pain and the memories stop?

For a while now, all I’ve wanted is for it to stop! The pain! The tears! The sleepless nights! The stress! The frustrations! life! I just wanted it all to stop until I couldn’t hold on to that anymore.

So, how do you do it? I guess, You Don’t!

I’ve learned the hard way that life puns out differently for different people. Their advice may make sense, doesn’t mean it will work out for you. What works for you, doesn’t have to work for another. Ask pregnant women in a labor ward!!

This year has been the worst yet. It’s almost as though the universe was forcing me to crown into my true self. I may not be there yet, but at least I want to give it shot. Then again it wasn’t all bad, but the good moments were clouded by the bad.

What’s my current status? Well, I’m 25, jobless, heartbroken, recently moved in with my mom, feels like I’m sucking at being a mom, depressed, been watching the same movie over and over again, and holding on to music like that’s all I’ve left. And yes, it sucks, but I’m not sad anymore.

I am well aware that my life’s state can’t even be credited to Karma, but I’m also aware that I want my flowers to bud. And I know that the only way I can do that, is alone, and in silence.

I was so focused on finding out “how do you do it” to get tips and tricks, but over the weekend I realized that I didn’t have to follow pointers or a book, I just needed to go with the flow. My flow!

How do you do it? Just do it! Don’t look up a recipe for your pain, heartbreak, emotional state, just listen to what your aura is telling you and just go with the flow.

In my case, I have books lined up for all the alone time I’m gonna have, i’m finally going to focus on my writing and find a niche that works for me, get in some work out and lose all the weight I have gained in just a few months, enjoy the weather, enjoy being a mother, and I have my pocket of “No’s” for anyone who tries to ruin that for me. The experience was fun no lie. I enjoyed making new friends, going out, getting out of my comfort zone, being a little outgoing- it was fun. But it lasted long enough for me to know that I dont fit in and boy I’m I thrilled I dont!!

And now that I know that for sure, I’m willing to do whatever it takes before the year ends (so that’s in two months) to reclaim my space in the world of silence and solitudešŸŒ»

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