Apologetic

cosmos-4112660_1920the community into which every child enters

defines the child!

isn’t that right cucu?

isn’t this how our community dictated i should turn out to be?

Apologetic!

afraid to live out today,

because what happened yesterday must count,

and what should happen tomorrow should be planned for?

cucu,

why is it that i am not allowed to just sit here and smell the flowers,

see how the birds unawarely keep the flowers alive,

while they enjoy the nectar?

can’t i just do the same without having to go through the motions

of what the white man did to our people?

without being bitter of how easily

the white has eroded the root of who we are?

cant’t i just not dwell of the rot that is our history for just one second?

i know what you had to go through cucu,

what my ancestors had to go through,

i also acknowledge that i wasn’t there to watch you win the battle for us,

but i am here now

isn’t that enough?

isn’t it enough that your prevail then

has given me a better life now?

opened opportunities for me you never thought possible?

cucu!

tell me,

why is it that rather than appreciate the smell of brewing coffee,

we have to relive the story of how coffee farmers were done wrong?

this is what our community has made me into,

apologetic for existing,

for having been born,

a ball of endless worry,

a ray that relieves painful history,

because why should i forget?

but why shouldn’t i forget cucu?

how does holding on to that pain,

adding salt to the wound,

allowing it to stay fresh,

make this a better place for my kids,

and their kids,

shouldn’t it be easier to let go?

to acknowledge that we won the fight in our own capacity,

to stop being apologetic for our misdeeds,

our presumed flaws,

presumed inadequacy,

to stop being apologetic for breathing,

smelling the morning air,

enjoying a perfectly brewed cup of coffee,

to enjoy the sun and the ocean,

tell me cucu,

when should we begin living in the here and now?

when is the time-line to appreciate the joys the struggles provided?

when do we stop being apologetic?

 

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